As we approached our leave date in July, I wrote a lovely post in the corner seat of our neighborhood street cafe called laBoîte, on via Pallazuollo.  It was sunny and warm; almost too warm, despite the fact the walls were open windows.  You know how it is- when the temperature teeters just one shade too hot to be comfortable, but yet, you don't want to leave because you know you're in a good spot?  

That's where I was. 

This post summed up all the Lord was showing me as we wrapped up this season of training abroad with YWAM, and  in one quick 'I-hit-the-wrong-button-monent,' the entire post was gone. I was unable to retrieve it,  nor could I remember the words I had previously written.

It was crushing. 

And in the same way, today, I am having trouble finding words, along with a heavy heart, because I have to move forward and admit: we aren't going back when we planned, we will go back to Italy in the Lord's perfect timing.


Thank you to Scott Erickson for this image.

Thank you to Scott Erickson for this image.

Our goal was February.  On a student visa, I was going to start school February 5th.  I was given a scholarship, and I was registered for classes.  We knew getting there so quickly would be a difficult task, with so many unknowns; absolutely a work of the Lord, who is working all things out for my good and the glory of his name.

I am so thankful we are called, and we are called to stay (the rest of) our lives in Italy.  So in a sense, I am grateful for the pause: it gives us the opportunity and time to have supporters walk with us and be completely in with us, when we do set out with a one way sail.

The honest truth is:  we don't have that kind of support right now.   Yet, we are also called to walk faithfully, and that means I must find a way to meet our needs as we begin to build our support team. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what that looks like, or what kind of job to get, but I know the Lord will bless this, and I'm certain he will even teach me a few things along the way.

I’m glad God opened my eyes to small steps of faithfulness, even when that might lead to pockets of hiddenness...He does restore what is lost. It usually doesn’t look like we imagined it would be so we to truly seek him in it. He mends what is broken, he buries things for our protection, and he resurrects what he calls back to life in us and puts joy in our hearts like we never imagine when we get to pick it up again...and it is a sweet thing to know, in your heart of hearts, that you trusted him with it. I think there is a really specific and unique joy that comes from that, a fulfillment in something picked up that was laid down. There is a blessing in it, and you’ve gotten to find the Lord faithful through it all, which is really a gift in and of itself.
— Christy Nockels, The Glorious in the Mundane, "Build My Life"


These last few weeks have been difficult, navigating places I haven't been before, and opening my eyes to things I may not wish to see.  In all of it, though, he does desire this: he wants me to know he loves me.  I am fully and completely loved.  All of me, in all of my mess, even in the places of my heart that rebel and say, "It isn't, it can't be true!" he wants me to know so deeply who I am in him, so I can be sent out to give love fully.

To those of you who have walked closely with us these last few months, and in particular, September: thank you.  To those of you just coming in: Welcome.  I'm glad you're here.